Emotional Me~

CNY is coming but near to festival period, i am in an emotional state...

Well how to say, i think the whole situation is i committed a "suicide"... i think i wanted all these to end tat why i make it come to a stop....

I went out wif him on friday, he picked me up and we went to his car club... well it was a dull outing i should said... i ended up talking to a auntie from his car club... they thot i am his gf and asked whether i got go his house i said a no....... although in my mind i feel like saying "for wat" but it will be rude for me to do so.... so i jus simply said a no.... after tat at KFC, wif his frens they all are talking abt cars.... of cos i kept quiet... then after tat he offered to drive me home, i told him he can drive to a nearby mrt station then i take train home, he can also faster meet up wif his frens.....but he said me crazy and said tat he bring me out, he will bring me home de, as he dun do things tat will throw his face... he is a guy tat cannot live without his reputation and mian zi! so thruout in his car, becos i very de not happy, i keep find things to argue wif him.... told him tat he is very hard to understand due to his swingy mood swing... this and tat... after tat i passed him his bday present... he was so shocked (as usual)... he "huh" until the whole car is his voice... and he said he felt very pai seh and his skin is thin... then i said ya... becos u skin thin i have to be thick lo... so after tat he jus send me to my house doorstep...

Next day morning, he smsed me and said tat my umbrella is still wif him.. he will returned me asap and said tat the bday present he will opened on his bday... at tat moment i dunno wat crosses my mind... i jus wan a full stop to all these tings wif him i guess... i reply him tat actually i wanted to ask him sth yesterday but i didn't asked becos is obvious tat all these while i am the one being one-sided...

After several hours, he replied me back... he said tat he's sorry if he make me sad... he didn't meant to hurt me, but jus tat he never been in a relationship b4 as he dun wan to lose a gd fren.. he treasure me as a gd fren and he dun wan to take the risk.. so wat he trying to say is tat he dun like me lo only frens... so simple right... haha he go one big round... i replied him tat ya we will still be frens... then i called him to take care of himself this and tat (those friendly fren regards) and i said a "bye"...

I told my sec sch buddy, junquan, abt it... he asked me do i treasure him as a close fren as much as he treasure me as a close fren.... i replied him, "is tat important?" he said ya becos if i see him as a person tat i hope tat we can be together, there is no way we can be fren... but if i see him as neutral perspective, i can still be frens wif him... my answer for him is "i still treat him as fren no matter wat".... In my mind i actually think abt tat question again... and i have my final answer for tat question of junquan.... "Yes, i treat him as fren even if he dun like me, but i definitely will not treasure him as much as he treasure me as a fren, becos as a fren, he dun bothered to ask how are u in MSN, sms or watever communication u can get... he is self-centred and he busy in his world... guess as a fren tat not wat i looking for ba.. and to me, tat is not my definition of frens"

So ya part of me is sad and part of me is relieved tat at least things has come clear le.. no more running in circles for me.... and also tat my prediction for his answer is a bingo.... although is a bingo but somehow still will feel sad la..

No matter wat i always remembered wat bernice said to me, "dun follow her path"... i promised her and myself....

But for now, i am grateful tat i got a bunch of frens tat care for me... my family too and my current colleagues although they dunno anything but they never failed to make me laughed even when i am down....

Haha but i have to admit tat so far i have cried for 2 days le... on and off... haha now while typing this at my workplace OT, i also start to have watery eyes le.. haha but i promised u guys tat i will get over it as time goes by~ i still wan to be the happy Agnes everyone know~ *wink*