Another me..........

Today is Olympics opening but also the day some of us, the youngsters in histo lab got a big big shock......!!!!

Tat is......... FS king's wife is 6 mths pregnant and he never breathe a word to anyone, not even to his dear auntie ong until recently...................!! We all got a big shocked...... Oh my!!! It was a shock to us, youngsters.... but to the seniors pple, it was very normal since they married for near to 3 yrs..... but u know... it was not abt the baby and marriage thingy.. it was... u know.... him...... yes i know, we are bad... bad huh......

Well, now for my confession time.........? not really confession la... jus my thots.....

When i heard tat his wife is pregnant.................. i dun feel a least of happiness for him.... not at all.......... (and of cos i know he doesn't need my congrats) At that moment, i realised how much i disliked him... no not dislike..... i hated him... hated him to the core.......... i dunno why suddenly the feeling is so strong...... i now i am bad, terribly bad... yes i know.... it was hard for him and his wife to conceive, yes i know......... i know it had not happen to me yet, so i dunno how is it feel... yes i know....

And i can't seem to forget the face auntie ong's made when S said "I feel sad for the baby" and when i said "I dunno why i dun feel happy for him at all"..... It was a hard stare...... She stared hard at us for some times, until i can even noticed tat stare of hers... i jus looked normally back to her direction though i dun feel too good abt it... i dunno S got saw tat kind of stare she made... i dunno.... it doesn't feel comfortable at all......... i know we do sound terribly bad...... but it jus how we felt???

While waiting for my fren to sms me to meet her to go for our lessons... i kept on pondering and tat stare kept appears in my mind........... Is it wrong of me to say out wat i think at tat moment?? i dunno................ somehow or rather............. my minds was filled wif the thots why i hated him to the core................

My lst mth of FS wif him........... the lst few days.... He came up, he took the slides i cut and looked under the microscope... Next he told me he got sth to talk to me... He asked me to open every cupboards in FS lab (wif the presence of Dr HB) and asked me to tell him wat stocks i never top up at all.... next, he said my staining was bad.... not consistent....(ok tat i can accept as i am learning) next, he asked me "Is my comment impt to u? If it is, then is good... If is not, then i will open 1 eye close 1 eye, and watever mistake u make i will jus covered it up for u....", he added "I believe in spore no one does FS more than me, i do not claimed the title of FS king for nothing...." and he also said "Every single thing in FS lab not in place, i confirm know de" I was commentless... At tat time, it was 1.40pm, he ate up my lunch time... Then he still asked me to stain give him see.... i said i wan to go eat lunch..... he jus said ok lo........... it was quite a bad lecture wif him le....

Next day, he went to tell 2 of our senior techs tat my staining was bad and dun send up juniors tat haven learn special stain up to FS lab... When my colleagues told me, u know how hurt tat time i was... i know my staining is not good, i know... but why can't u give me a chance to learn and u bad mouth me like tat at our main lab... why.... i respect u as a senior tat why i bothered to listen to u even if u ate up half of my lunch time... kind of hurt my pride.... nvm....

Everytime he will asked me do this and do tat.... asked me go get this, go get tat..... ok i do, i go get all the stuffs he wan in the list he wrote.. even go to the extend of finding the technician to repair our tap when in the morning, he was very free ya.. (i know thru the FS record book for am session) There is once, he wanted me to go take the liquid nitrogen tank myself when the tank i can't even carry to the trolley... at lst i told him, i can;t find the trolley, he said around reception area, but i told him even if i find it i can't carry it to the trolley, too heavy... he told me to jus take it... but i told him i really can't is too heavy for me, then he no choice have to take... if i know i will do, but i really can't why won't he jus helped me... he is a guy.... haiz....

Every now and then, he always wan to change shift wif me, said he this and tat got something on..... i said tat day i can't, then he will choose another day to change... he jus wan to die die able to change.... nvm ok... compromise.... If he take half day, he wan me to reach there at 12pm, cos he need to faster rush off... ok, i have my lunch at 11pm, reach there b4 12pm.... guess wat... he didn't rush off....... he chit chat wif the dr until around 12.20pm then he willing to go off.............. he told me "thank u for coming up early" but wat the use u said tat when u jus go on and on wif ur conversation wif the dr and not rushing off.... i felt like an idiot tat time....

May, was outside trimming room wif him and TY............. He asked me to arrange for someone to take formalin up cos no more le.... arrange? why arrange? can't u take urself since u are the in-charge for tat mth...? i jus nodded my head..... after lunch, he asked me "Agnes, have u taken the formalin?" i said haven.... next moment, he asked me to go down take myself......... u all know how heavy it is for me ma.... not i dun wan to take, it is really too heavy for me......... he doesn't care at all... in the end TY helped me out.....

June, wif him in FS lab again... he relief Ad...... he spot checked my FS slides............... and he called up to Ad to ask him to check the reagents i prepared cos is not satisfactory.........and asked him to tell me this and tat.... Ad find it ridiculous when i am at the main lab wif him...... in the end, Ad asked the Dr and find out tat there is nothing wrong wif my reagents jus tat i cut thicker sections.......... Auntie ong said him why he do tat.... he said becos i dun listen to him at all................. gosh~ how can he do tat......... He also said "junior is for senior to bully, tat is the life of a junior"... is tat how it should be.... i began to dishearten le..............

July, wif him in FS lab again again.... i relief B.... i jus forgot to take down an empty bottle... he straightaway sms auntie ong abt it... and auntie ong came and told me......... and asked why i never take down.... i jus simply forgot, i didn't purposely........... is tat a very big matter here.......? he no hands to take down himself ma?? And whenever anything in FS lab not working well, he said is other pple's fault......... or my fault if i partner him......

August, wif him in FS lab again again again.... He told J tat everytime he came into the FS lab, i quickly go off... like i am always in a rush... he said i in a rush until i never take down a FS case down and left for him to take it down..... and said maybe i scared doing FS, so when is time to change shift, i very happy then rush out of the lab... lst and foremost.... i never forget to take down the FS case... i already told him tat the case not yet over so i dun bring down, he said ok.... and now he accused me................... it is so damn obvious i dun like him, dun wan to see his face right............. seriously i dunno wat i ever did wrong to get all these from him.... i really dunno~

Why everytime he jus wan to find something to say me.......................... why........................

So can u all tell me reasons for not hating him............. he keep on provoking me...... how u wan me to dun hate him............. how u wan me to feel happy for him when he going to welcome his newborn daughter.... i simply can't... baby is his de... i got no right to critise the baby or his wife... no right.... if i ever do tat, i am overboard but i didn't.... it jus him i hate....

All these jus accumulated and accumulated......... until i saw auntie ong gave me tat kind of stare, i jus simple breakdown.... i went home, yes i breakdown.... i cried.............. i have a hard cried.................. the last time i had a hard cried is when my previous workplace the sister scolded me for not saying gd moring to her... i was so so angry tat i cried tat time...... this time i cried, it was not i angry or anything like tat... i jus simply can't take it..... why i get this kind of shit from him........... why..........and i get tat kind of stare from auntie one when i simply said tat line........... i am not displeased wif auntie ong.. i am not............. jus tat, tat stare jus make me breakdown totally after so many mths i told myself to ren him and dun let him bully... but all the efforts jus gone down the drain...... while typing this post, i still feeling like crying.... why i so suay..... i dun think i can take it anymore.... can't take all these shitty thing from FS king........ This breakdown really make an impact on me...........

Really.........

Dun think i can take it anymore...........

Wat should i do...............

My tears jus kept rolling down................ it jus can't seem to stop.........

How should i stopped all these idiotic comments he made abt me from appearing in my mind...................

How.......................